Throughout my career, I have seen this family over and over. Please read the Symptoms and Causes below. If you can identify three or more Symptoms in your family, it is important for you to find a therapist for help. Therapy can be the beginning of changing your life from what is described here to a life that is more reasonable, calm, and happy.

Symptoms of Family Members

• Inability to delay gratification
• Lack of empathy for self and others
• Disregard for consequences of actions
• Sustained sense of betrayal = untrusting of self and others
• Not accept gifts = suspicious = 'What's the catch? and 'What's this going to cost me?'
• Sense of abandonment = does not trust others
• Physical pain(s) with no known cause(s)
• Approaches all relationships as threatening
• Sense that life is unfair and unjust no matter what
• Lives like there is never enough = food, sleep, medications, affection, love, trust
• Frequently embarrassed = lack of few or no appropriate social skills
• Sense of self as an 'object' for use by other's = no feelings for self or others
• Low self-esteem
• Success measured by ability to manipulate others or 'system' - social programs, legal system, jail environment - to meet personal needs

Causes

• Chronic, regular alcohol and/or drug abuse by primary care giver or partner
• Multiple (2 or more) residential moves in last 1 - 3 years
• Multiple (2 or more) schools in last 1 - 3 years
• Multiple residences (2 or more) with different primary care givers in each
• Absence of short-term or long-term goals
• Absence of emotionally stable, socially responsible, sober role model
• Multi-generational physical, verbal, and sexual violence
• Frequent incarceration of family members
• Poor hygiene - lack of medical, dental, and eye care
• Poor nutrition - irregular, high sugar content, and/or lack of food
• Easy access to legal (prescription) or illegal drugs
• Frequent suspensions from school
• Poor grades
• Primary entertainment: Video games & television
• Does not read
• Loud environment with frequent, harsh, sudden sounds
• Lack of personal privacy - room and bathroom; no locks on doors
• Frequent illness (2 or more per year)